Mourn with those who mourn.

I recently read a blog post in which the writer was expressing profound disappointment about the current state of his life. Things are not going the way he hoped and planned. He has faced unimaginable loss and significant hardship. His goals and desires for career and family are not being realized and currently seem unreachable. He is hurting.

A commenter made the assertion that soon things would get better. He waxed spiritual about waiting on God and reassured him that God would give him what he desired in the right time. He told a story about how he wanted something for a long time and when he finally learned what God wanted him to learn, he got what he wanted.

This reminded me of when my husband and I were struggling with infertility. We desperately wanted children and it wasn't happening. During this painful time, a friend informed us that our failure to procreate was related to our failure to keep the Old Testament dietary laws and laws regarding the marriage bed and a woman's monthly cycle. Hmmm...So, you're saying that we're being punished for not obeying the OT laws? REALLY!

Then there was the time that I had a little "freak out" about a friend who'd recently been diagnosed with cancer. I was sad. I was afraid. I felt helpless. Unfortunately, this "freak out" happened while I was attending a function. A well-meaning friend noticed that something was troubling me and asked what was wrong. When I told her why I was feeling sad, she decided this was the right time to tell me everything she knew about alternative cancer treatments and cancer prevention and gave me a business card to pass along to my cancer-patient-friend so she could buy all the right herbs, and juices.

My (or anyone's) painful situation is not a great time for you to share your opinion about why bad things happen, sell your favorite product, correct bad theology, or otherwise "fix".  And it certainly isn't the right time to "blame the victim". But we've all done it. I know I have. Someone I love is hurting and I don't know what to do. I want to help. I want her to feel better. I feel inadequate. All of the sudden, it's no longer about my hurting friend, but about my own feelings of failure and discomfort and not being able to help. So I spring into action with platitudes, explanations, and solutions.

The Scripture is clear that suffering, trials, and hardships are a normal part of the Christian life. I wonder what it would be like if we were more comfortable in the presence of these things and excelled in mourning with those who mourn, and comforting the afflicted with the comfort we've received from Christ.